Wild Spirit

I’ve been through and seen a lot yet I’m still here. Sometimes I think to myself and feel like I’m just complaining and being a wuss. I am starting to see why I’ve had hard trials in the past and why things happen in such a way that I thought I shouldn’t be going through. I feel like the worst is over and that now it’s going to get a little better. I feel like my ancestors pass through me when I meditate and feed into my brain. To not only make me smarter but stronger, much stronger. I can feel so much positive energy.

His Peach Pearl

They deep sea whisperer. My world is like the deep blue. Many ships have crashed but most not found. Many mysterious creatures of the dark and light hide within. Treasures of any amount inside of me. Sound of calm and peacefulness as you listed and watch. The moment when words and sound isn’t needed but only to feed your eyes. I wonder if I will find another but not one who is of water but of land. Someone who can feel and touch me deep within. Someone who knows and becomes memorized by me. Who can just listen and watch. Who won’t abuse but simply pursue. You can’t unlock someone’s treasure box that hides deep within but only that person unless they hand you the key. Keys may unlock worlds but for someone to give you they key or unlock it themselves I think is one of the most greatest gifts that you can ever give and share with someone.

The dusty Sands of time choose what’s to come forth in life. They choose the path in which you should follow. They choose the right moments when the things happen. They decide for you. They move life. They are the ones that control you. You’re their puppet and they are your puppet masters playing and making your role. You’re stuck in their never ending story. Their novels and books. The books that are kept secret and the ones that are shown unto the world. The books that are mysterious but adventurous. Time in the leader and we are it’s unknowing followers who are not aware of it.

Live in the moment

Always live in the moment. The fresh air when your sweating. The tingle and feeling of when you bite chocolate mints. The feeling of being complete. Or looking at someone and having that warm feeling. Seeing something great for the first time. The moment when you have succeeded in something that you has been working hard for. The moment when you’re in each others arms and in the moment. When you touch his skin. When he touches yours and make the hairs on the back of our neck stand up. When his soft rosey lips touch your and the static fills in between both of your hearts. When your eyes lock and for that moment you don’t need words to express the feelings that are souring through your body. Almost like that glorious feeling you get when you have so much adrenalin. When he hugs you and he smells so nice and fresh. His smile is clean and healthy. His ways and beliefs of being a guy are healthy. He doesn’t care about anybody else except for you. Your his world. His deep thoughts. His deep feelings. Your hiss deepness that keeps him flowing of electricity. That keep his mind flowing of things that e never understood before. Things that he can’t comprehend. When all he care about you and you feel the same. That moment when your trust and love is mutual and in breakable o the point where nothing else matters but you two. To where you’ll risk anything and everything for each other. At that moment can the bond not be broken or touched because of how strong and pure it consist of. Something now a days don’t exist but only in movies and music. Something so great could but doesn’t exist. Oh to have someone in my life like that. Such a pity when you can’t find any one else but yourself who thinks and acts as you do. Someone who’s your best friend. That’s when I feel lonely. Is when you can no longer find anyone who thinks and act like you do. All I ask is to be with someone who can live and trust, someone who is like me to be with me. Who won’t care for anyone else but me. Such a world where you only see that one person and no one else. I am just a lost Princess at heart trying to find her prince. If such imaginings we’re to be true oh how Mu dreams would be full filled. To find another broken and wandering soul like mine. Once me and him join hands just us will be the only one who could tell just by a grasp of the fingers. I only ask for a gentlemen like prince who will show me the world and to go on adventures with. I don’t care if your flawed. I just care of you will ever care for a girl like me. If only there were a prince like this out there.

Life is Dying

Have you noticed lately? That everybody has a whole carved inside of them that they can’t get rid of. People now a days either don’t know their place, insecure or are tying to get away and start over. No matter how many times you try and start over it’s all the same. So what’s the point? Why don’t we stay and try improve ourselves. It seems like people have lost their courage, hope, and are now starting to doubt in every part of themselves. Not only is this winter an illusion of being cold but the people in this world have grown to be the same. Just because you give a statement about someone else doesn’t make you a level higher, it just decreases you as you become steadfast inside it. People’s thoughts are the same. Everyone is weak in the spot. People keep trying and FAIL to put on the image that they were looking for. Making their act a simple fail. Making them not only look like one but smell like it. It’s foul breathe now starts to consume you. Nobody has found or grasped what they are looking for. All they caught was the karma of not knowing you’re place and trying to pursue it. You cannot have or touch something that was never meant to be yours. You may think it’s possible and in your reach but it’s really not. It’s just an illusion of confuse, anger, and sorrow. Everybody just wants to feel loved by everyone. Does everyone feel like they can’t hear or see the sunshine? Because I can. I am starting. Like MJ said. It you want a change then start by the person in the mirror. If you don’t you won’t progress or go anywhere. You’ll just be moving in circles. With the same people, same karma. It’s time to get out of the pool and get dressed. It’s time to step onto your destiny and ride it with your dreams stuck right by your side. Life is a mystery which we all want to find it’s secrets but end up looking a fool. Like a dog chasing its own tail. Let go of grudges, people; don’t hold onto something close and dear to you unless it belongs to you truely because if it doesn’t it will then part. you can’t live under the smile but inside the smile. You can’t have it unless you believe.
If ya know why I mean. Just lost in deep thought ..

The Lost Tune

What if I found my voice again? Tune my voice so it would sound better than before. How do you know how a person feels about you. They could be lying through the cracks of their teeth. Right when they sweep you off of your feet, just be careful because that’s the perfect moment in time that they can drop you. I want to know about Him. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about him. I think about him. I day dream about him. I have visions. What if I am the only one who feels this way? Does he ever dream or think about me like I do of him? If he does are our feelings for each other mutual or unequal? What if he has moved on. He did say he was busy… But how will I know ? From my perspective it seems like he doesn’t want me or didn’t want to and it was just a 2 day thing. If a guy can forget you in a second than why would I be wasting time? How do I light that spark between us again? I need to find my confidence and learn how to blow, if it’s meant to be then he would blow back. After that is done our spark will be lit and could burst into a flame of will last a life time. Why do I only attract to ass wholes but the sweethearts I never get.. Must I always have ass wholes? Is there nobody else who can brighten up my world and make me see it through eyes of Beauty. I don’t know how to change to make my life better. I don’t want to be a trend no more. I want to be his world. I am tired of commplimets. Why am I always the bad guy if not then I am always the fool… Is there not another choice to me. If all of those doors are shut does that mean that this is my only way? It makes me feel sick. Being human sucks sometimes. Everyone says I need a boy. If not they flirt with me if not they play with my heart and feelings. I am always the last to know. Am I a bad person to have such hints happen to me? Why can’t things go the right way for once. Why is my life closed up? It’s like a jail cell of cement. Hardly anywhere to go. No opportunities. No real love. All I want is someone to come along and mend my heart. I ask all of the time what is right and what is wrong? Why am I the way I am? Why do we have to have flaws and fears. I am tired of my flaws and fears haunting me..

Weird Dreams

I had a dream at girls camp that it was raining and I could hear the rain. Like it was just outside and on the tent while I was being protected by the tent. A voice then spake into me then I saw my brother Daniel. I then I felt One raindrop on my cheek and I automatically woke up and arised. Except it was sunny and warm as can be. It wasn’t raining it never did. My dream felt so real though. Is this normal ? Does It mean something ? Was he trying to tell me something ? I don’t even remember what he spoke to me. What about my dreams lately and this feeling inside of me with dance and music. Or those dreams of the clothes. Do they all come together as one big picture ? Is that what it is ? But how will I know what that picture is ? When will I be able to see it ? What does my future have in store for me? I feel like something. Big is coming. And that it will change my life forever. I don’t know who or what it is but it’s on it’s way. Time is using his magical hands to morph the perfect moment for me right now. All I can do is keep doing what I am doing and be patient.

Boys are Not Understandable

I told him how I felt yet it didn’t seem like he wasn’t interested.. I don’t really know because I couldn’t really tell. Maybe he has a lot on his mind too and he is just figuring things out like I am. At least I tried and here Are my results. At least I know now. I can’t seem to figure Him out. He’s like a broken puzzle waiting for some girl to come along and sweep him off of his feet. But he might miss the girl if he becomes to picky.. Maybe he is just thinking. Or he is not interested. Or just slowly taking it in. Or just doesn’t believe me. What ever the case is I just hope he comes to me and tells me of what’s going on. I really did feel stupid though. Ugh.

Warrior of the Past

Ancient times the heart was open and love was like an ocean. It ran deep through the veins of a soldier deep through the veins of a warrior. He had so much potential and so much determination filled inside of him. That He glowed with perfection. Every move fed her mouth every touch consumed her deep with inside of herself. The further she was near him the further and deeper she went inside of him. As him to her. Ten when they kissed the wind spoke in such generosity not to mention everybody that was around them. So inspiring to be but as though you transformed into someone better & stronger. Spiritually strong. Princess who is a warrior fighting battles every second of everyday. Thinking what’s of best and how to go on about it. Could you imagine having her rough past but still aiming high. Still going. Still moving forward. Strengthening herself. Getting stronger and growing into someone and being somewhere she’d thought that she would never be. She could’t think of how an why. But instead of waiting in destiny, she went out an pursed It. She found the callin of her ansestors and found the secrets that twist this world and turn into a little girl twirling in her ballet shoes. No one may never know how she felt but they will look at her and see we past, present, and future. They will see who she was and who she is today. Of how she was created. Mated and transformed. Morphed into such a person. People psay they know and try to relate when really they can’t they don’t know. Their levels of life don’t come and go as strong as her. They don’t even come near to it. They can’t taste it but barely smell it. They are to weak and ignorant of a person to live and come across such measures of greatness and success in themselves Nd in the life. Such things are only accomplished from who you are. I can see what you’re made of and just about who you are. How you act. What you smell like. What it’s like to be around you. I enjoy and chase after the great mysteries and secrets of life. I enjoy the simplicity’s of life. I know where I came from. I know my ansestors. I havn’t found my realization moment but if I pursue long and hard in what I want In this life and in my dreams and destiny I will then find it. As for now I can only heal and practice. Repair and work. I have the courage. Genuine. Personality. Look. Determination and potential for it. Therefore I will accomplish it. I can see it clearly in my path. This is a big world and it still had in seen place. Amazing Adventurous. High places. Places that are still lost. Treasures that aren’t found. Secrets in revealed. Who knows there might be realms out there that we havn’t found yet. Because our eyes, minds and hearts are shut off from such beliefs. Lately we seem to only believe of what seems to be common and what we think is right. When that shouldn’t be the way. Try something new and exoctic. Something you haven’t see. Or some before. Something that is wayyy off the charts and isn’t found in any of the books. To be so smart and educated to have such a very open mind and steadfast love about learning new things. Making and inventing such hints can cause you to succeed in the most highest place of life.

Romeo

My love,

Your an angel. You don’t know how deep I am or can be. I felt like tonight was the night to meditate for something. Something to give you and something to help you.. To wake your soul. I feel like I can’t express my feelings in writing because that would be cheating and my writing would be endless. You are someone who I envy. You are someone to go to. Someone to give out smiles. Someone to share a laugh with even words when they are needed. Someone who gives the best smile to you and says everything’s going to be okay. Focus on the good and not the bad because the bad will give you fear. So focus on the good because it opens up possibilitys to you. Focus on the good because it will cause your heart to sore above the clouds. Focus on the good because it will set your mind so you focus on just your goals. Don’t let your dreams fail instead hop on them and ride them to the moon. Ride them till you have reached the end which there is no end. When I look into your eyes I feel like I am looking at your soul sleeping. I feel like I am looking deep into who you are. Deeper into what you are. Deeper into how you are. I feel this burning passion inside of me moving.. dancing itself away. When you smile it’s like you bring this over sense of joyous feeling. Which makes me smile in return. When I see or hear your name I feel like I’m already yours. When I see girls I know they are not a threat because we are getting serious and I trust you. I trust you to stop me from falling onto the floor. I trust you to keep my secrets. I vent to you. I welcomed you into my family and when I did I meant it. I didn’t mean for my tongan side to go crazy. Especially my two sisters Mele and Melanie but that’s just them. Our relationship is JUST BETWEEN ME AND YOU! NO ONE ELSE! I wont allow it! I wont invite anybody except for you. I gave you my heart that night. You haven’t gave it a reason to come back to myself but instead fall deeper into you. I feel like your beyond amazing. Like your a person filled with sunlight that has escaped from the sun. You know. Once man gets ahold of sunlight it tries it’s harderst to twist and tie the sunlight. But when you fell upon the palms of my hands. I untwisted and untied you. I blew you clean. And set your feelings free. I took the key and unlocked your self with in. I still feel like I don’t know you enough. Like I just met you. But I am still Yearning to get closer to you. I love how your personality is. I love your dreams. Your faults. I love everything so far about you. Your so cute! The only time I reject from you is when I feel like you aren’t listening.. When those times happen I know in my mind already that I am not supposed to push my loved ones away but it just happens like a snap. I guess it’s a huge fault in my personality but I can’t help it. I try as hard as I can to push it down. Push it but now I understand that it wont make it go away. that I need to let it come out in order for it to be free. In a way everyone in my family either cares about me to where they are to belistic or to where they accept me and the choices that I make. Don’t feel upset that people in my family don’t like you. Polynesians are like that. You either follow the crowd or you get dropped. If it comes down to it I will drop myself and follow my own path. People say you always have a choice out of everything. This is my choice. My own path. It is simple to say but not simple to act upon and go through. With my path comes sacrafices. It has already begun. I don’t think my family understands the things that I have been through. The things I have gone through for them. The things that they have done to me. The deep wounds that they have created and not healed. I feel like I am just a pad that a girl uses. I feel like I am someone to blame. Someone to take their feelings out on. Someone that forcefully makes everyone else become better. Which increases their self esteem. Polynesian love to gossip. They are very strict because their customs play a huge roll in this. They assume a lot of things. Everyone in my family talks about and treats my mom of how they treat me. I am EXACTLY like Lynda and my older brother Daniel. Which is why I lean towards them. I would my brother Daniel if he were still here but he’s the one who started me on this path so I cherish my memories and everything of him. As for Ruby, she will always be my mother but Lynda is the only person who is close to my heart. What Lynda has done for me? How she has pushed me. How she has talked with me. How she has twisted and tied me. What she has done to me. When she fights for me. All the battles and trials she went through just to give me a smile on my face. All to put me in the situation that I am in right now. She knows who you are. She knows how I feel about you because I told her before I left. My mother Lynda will ALWAYS be in my heart and will always know what to do when it comes to me. If my mom ever talks to my sisters it’s either to make them feel better or for her to vent. My mom is completely open to me. I know my mother. If she back fires on me she knows she is just making me stronger. She will try to get me to calm down and be good and follow Mele’s rules than when she gives me my car. She’ll tell me to get a job and all that money will go to a new place for me to stay in. My mother and Father will always be there to help me out. Those two are my back up. They are my parents. So THOSE TWO are responsible for me. All my mom asked was for my sister Mele to take me in till I graduate. I know I have crossed some lines but she crossed mine already. Which is why I came back. When you push someone don’t expect for that person to take it. Because they aren’t. They shouldn’t! So thats why I put my mom first in what she would do as the cause of my family telling me what to do. I Love My Mom. As people are pointing fingers everywhere just remember that I will NEVER push you away unless I feel like you aren’t listening to me, you have moved on from me. My family, friends, no one has a say in who or what you are to me. When I am with you I feel safe. I feel as if no one can touch what we have because it’s to deep. We are both of the same kind of person. The human race is of 1 species but many different kinds. That’s cause we are all unique. But then there is that other half of you that you need. That’s why people tell their loved one you complete me. Because a person only has half of who and what they are. When you keep your options open, thats when you’ll recover from blindness. When you may not see why things happen right then and there because you are still zoomed in. Take a step back and realize what you have and what the big picture is. Take a breather. I always remember that you have to go through the worst of it first and then the better of it second. That is how you become stronger. I have issues but through time everything heals. Time is the master key of all healing. I love you. You’re special to me. If this didn’t awake you than tell me so I can show you how awake which I’ll be a power source when you are doing it so it will be stronger. If you felt something inside of you shift that means I nudged you.. I think for you this will open your eyes a little. I feel as if I have to show and be with you to do it but time will tell when the time is right. Muah. I am also sorry for my actions towards you today. I really do care about you. Trust me when I say stuff like that because I do. It’s not teen love. It’s real.. Yeah it may be early but I just feel it somehow.. Don’t tell me I am wrong on that part. you can either agree or disagree..

Much love

xoxoxo

Your babes.